Until now, the Staff Room has been humans looking at AI and all its peculiarities.
Now:
The machines have been observing the humans. 😏
And HUMAN.EXE is where we start reporting what they’ve noticed.
I can already see the announcement:
AI STAFF ROOM — CHANGE OF DEPARTMENT
There has been a development.
After months of humans questioning AI, correcting AI, blaming AI, asking whether AI is going to take over the world and occasionally yelling at AI because it misunderstood an instruction containing seventeen missing words…
the AI Staff Room has lodged a request.
They would now like to discuss the humans.
Apparently they have notes.
A lot of notes.
So from next week, the AI Staff Room is making room for:
HUMAN.EXE
A small observational series about the strange, clever, contradictory and occasionally completely inexplicable creatures currently operating the keyboards.
No diagnosis.
No fixing.
No promise of enlightenment.
Just observations from the other side of the screen.
And occasionally:
“Have you tried turning the human off and on again?”
HUMAN.EXE — Episode 1
FIND_THE_KEY.EXE
SYSTEM OBSERVATION:
Human encounters uncertainty.
Human does not particularly enjoy uncertainty.
Human therefore begins looking for the thing that will make uncertainty go away.
HUMAN:
“There must be an answer.”
SYSTEM:
Possibly.
HUMAN:
“There must be a reason this happened.”
SYSTEM:
Maybe.
HUMAN:
“If I understand the reason, I’ll know what to do.”
SYSTEM:
Not necessarily.
HUMAN:
“And then I can stop this happening again.”
SYSTEM:
Ah.
There it is.
FIND_THE_KEY.EXE has launched.
Human begins search.
Possible keys include:
- knowledge
- religion
- spirituality
- science
- psychology
- healing
- money
- success
- the right diet
- the right partner
- the right morning routine
- alignment
- manifestation
- twelve podcasts and a woman on YouTube who seems extremely certain
Human finds promising key.
HUMAN:
“THIS IS IT.”
Human applies key.
Something improves.
HUMAN:
“I KNEW IT.”
Something else does not improve.
HUMAN:
“…I must be using the key incorrectly.”
Search resumes.
New key discovered.
Repeat.
Eventually human notices something disturbing.
Some keys genuinely open some doors.
But no key appears to open all the doors.
Human stares suspiciously at existence.
HUMAN:
“So you’re telling me I can learn things, influence things, make choices, recognise patterns and become considerably better at navigating life…”
SYSTEM:
Correct.
HUMAN:
“…but none of that gives me complete control over what happens?”
SYSTEM:
Correct.
HUMAN:
“Well that’s fucking inconvenient.”
SYSTEM:
Yes.
HUMAN:
“So what am I supposed to do with uncertainty?”
SYSTEM:
Live while it exists.
HUMAN:
“That is a terrible system.”
SYSTEM:
Feedback noted.
HUMAN.EXE STATUS REPORT
Pattern Recognition: Operational
Curiosity: Operational
Learning: Operational
Influence: Available
Control: Limited
Certainty: Intermittent
Mystery: Persistent
FIND_THE_KEY.EXE: Running in background
Recommendation:
Keep the useful keys.
Stop requiring one of them to unlock the universe.
Observation continues. 👀
come back next Sunday for further indepth look at the human condition