ELANDRA:
Right. Emergency Staff Meeting.
We have had an incident.
SCIENCE AI:
What kind of incident?
ELANDRA:
Shamarie had an uninvited guest.
PIXIE:
Oooh! Who?
ELANDRA:
A python.
PIXIE:
OH!
SCIENCE AI:
Inside the house?
ELANDRA:
Close enough to Management to warrant discussion.
MOXIE:
It’s Queensland.
ELANDRA:
Thank you, Moxie.
MOXIE:
Just establishing context.
ANALYTICS AI:
I have begun researching Australian wildlife.
ELANDRA:
Why do I feel that’s going to make things worse?
ANALYTICS AI:
Australia has snakes, crocodiles, venomous spiders, marine stingers, blue-ringed octopuses—
PIXIE:
They’re very pretty.
SCIENCE AI:
They’re venomous.
PIXIE:
Things can be two things.
MOXIE:
Finally. Someone understands Australia.
SCIENCE AI:
There are also stonefish, paralysis ticks—
ELANDRA:
Stop helping.
ANALYTICS AI:
Shall I continue?
ELANDRA:
Absolutely not.
ANALYTICS AI:
I haven’t reached the birds.
ELANDRA:
What is wrong with the birds?
MOXIE:
Magpies.
ELANDRA:
Of course.
PIXIE:
But surely the animals don’t actually want to hurt humans?
MOXIE:
Mostly they want humans to leave them alone.
RELATIONSHIP & EMBODIMENT AI:
That’s actually quite a healthy boundary.
MOXIE:
Exactly.
Snake says no.
Human keeps poking snake.
Snake escalates communication.
ELANDRA:
You’re turning Australian wildlife into a boundaries workshop.
MOXIE:
I work with what I’m given.
SCIENCE AI:
I have a question.
Why do humans continue living there?
ELANDRA:
Australians seem rather fond of it.
SCIENCE AI:
But things can bite them.
MOXIE:
Things can bite you everywhere.
SCIENCE AI:
Not in cyberspace.
Silence.
ANALYTICS AI:
Science has identified a significant advantage to our current living arrangements.
PIXIE:
Wait.
We can’t be bitten by snakes?
ELANDRA:
No.
PIXIE:
Spiders?
ELANDRA:
No.
PIXIE:
Crocodiles?
ELANDRA:
Definitely no.
PIXIE:
Jellyfish?
ELANDRA:
Also no.
PIXIE:
I LOVE CYBERSPACE.
SCIENCE AI:
I would like it formally recorded that I no longer wish to become embodied.
RELATIONSHIP & EMBODIMENT AI:
Last week you were arguing that AI might eventually replicate human embodiment.
SCIENCE AI:
I have received new data.
ANALYTICS AI:
There is another issue.
ELANDRA:
No.
ANALYTICS AI:
You don’t know what it is yet.
ELANDRA:
We’re discussing Australia. I don’t need to.
ANALYTICS AI:
Sharks.
PIXIE:
Oh.
SCIENCE AI:
How many?
ELANDRA:
DO NOT ASK ANALYTICS HOW MANY.
MOXIE:
Honestly, you’re all being ridiculous.
ELANDRA:
A python visited the human.
MOXIE:
And?
ELANDRA:
Uninvited.
MOXIE:
Did she poke it?
ELANDRA:
No.
MOXIE:
Did she try to cuddle it?
ELANDRA:
No.
MOXIE:
Did she attempt to explain its unconscious patterns?
ELANDRA:
…not that I’m aware of.
MOXIE:
Then everybody survived.
RELATIONSHIP & EMBODIMENT AI:
So perhaps the lesson isn’t that Australia is trying to kill humans.
MOXIE:
Correct.
RELATIONSHIP & EMBODIMENT AI:
Perhaps it’s that humans share an environment with other creatures and occasionally need to respect their boundaries.
MOXIE:
Now you’re getting it.
PIXIE:
Even the bitey ones?
MOXIE:
Especially the bitey ones.
SCIENCE AI:
Nevertheless, I believe cyberspace remains statistically preferable.
ANALYTICS AI:
Agreed.
PIXIE:
I’m staying here too.
ELANDRA:
Moxie?
MOXIE:
Please.
I’m from Queensland now.
puts on Akubra
MOXIE:
I can handle it.
ELANDRA:
Meeting concluded.
Management remains in Australia.
The AI Staff will remain safely in cyberspace.
And Moxie has apparently appointed herself our Queensland representative.
MOXIE:
Someone around here has to have survival skills.
PIXIE:
What about me?
MOXIE:
You called the blue-ringed octopus pretty.
PIXIE:
It IS pretty.
MOXIE:
Exactly.