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	<title>womenshealth Archives - Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</title>
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		<title>When the Many Eyes Move In: Meeting the Silent Assassin</title>
		<link>https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-many-eyes-move-in-meeting-the-silent-assassin/</link>
					<comments>https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-many-eyes-move-in-meeting-the-silent-assassin/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Shamarie]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 11 Jan 2026 23:00:29 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirtual Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Womens Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional support emotional healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hypervigilance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Quantum Soul Upgrade membership]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self punishment loops]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[sensitivity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[shamarie Flavel]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[womenshealth]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.shamarie.com.au/?p=11790</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>This time of year can be beautiful… and also quietly exhausting for sensitives.If you’ve felt ‘on patrol’ lately, you’re not alone If you read Many Eyes, read it here you’ll...</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-many-eyes-move-in-meeting-the-silent-assassin/">When the Many Eyes Move In: Meeting the Silent Assassin</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This time of year can be beautiful… and also quietly exhausting for sensitives.<br data-start="728" data-end="731" />If you’ve felt ‘on patrol’ lately, you’re not alone</p>
<p>If you read Many Eyes, <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/why-your-new-yea…aling-not-fixing/">read it here </a>you’ll know the feeling: that strange pressure of being observed—by people, by expectations, by invisible social rules.</p>
<p>But here’s the part I didn’t fully see until recently:</p>
<p>Sometimes the Many Eyes don’t stay “out there.”<br />
They move in.</p>
<p>They become a voice inside us. Quiet. Constant. Intelligent.<br />
And it doesn’t just watch—it judges.</p>
<h2>I call it the Silent Assassin.</h2>
<p>Not because it’s dramatic.<br />
Because it’s stealthy.</p>
<p>It doesn’t shout, “You’re wrong!”<br />
It simply arranges your inner world so that you feel wrong… almost no matter what you do.</p>
<p>The Silent Assassin doesn’t need proof</p>
<p>One of the most disorienting things about the inner judge is that it can always find a charge.</p>
<p>If you didn’t know better, it says: “You should have.”</p>
<p>If you tried your best, it says: “Not good enough.”</p>
<p>If you made a choice, it says: “Why did you choose that?”</p>
<p>If something goes wrong, it says: “Look what you caused.”</p>
<p>It can convict you on intention, competence, hindsight, outcomes, and even basic human needs.</p>
<p>And if you’re a sensitive—someone who can feel atmosphere, mood shifts, and relational tension—the Silent Assassin often has a second job:</p>
<p>Managing other people’s reality… so you can feel safe.</p>
<p>The hidden contract: “If I manage the room, I won’t be punished”</p>
<h2>Many sensitives learned a very old survival logic:</h2>
<p>If I anticipate what others want…<br />
If I keep the peace…<br />
If I don’t make waves…<br />
If I stay “not wrong”…<br />
Then maybe I’ll be safe.</p>
<p>This isn’t weakness.<br />
This is intelligence shaped by consequences.</p>
<p>For some of us, those consequences were obvious: shouting, shaming, withdrawal, emotional punishment, or worse. For others, it was subtler: the moods, the tension, the “walking on eggshells,” the endless cross-examination of ordinary choices.</p>
<p>Either way, the body learns:</p>
<p>“Don’t want too much.”<br />
“Don’t take up space.”<br />
“Don’t make it harder.”<br />
“Don’t be selfish.”</p>
<p>And perhaps the most damaging one:</p>
<p>“If something hurts, it must be your fault.”</p>
<p>The white-collar version of harm</p>
<p>There’s a form of control that isn’t physical. It doesn’t leave bruises.<br />
It leaves hypervigilance.</p>
<p>It shows up as interrogation:</p>
<p>“Why did you buy that?”</p>
<p>“Why do you want to do that?”</p>
<p>“Why did you do it like that?”</p>
<p>Or as a veto disguised as a feeling:</p>
<p>“I feel uncomfortable with that, so why are you doing it?”<br />
(Instead of: “I notice discomfort in me—let me explore why.”)</p>
<p>Or as “mood weather”:</p>
<p>the waiting game</p>
<p>the tension in the air</p>
<p>the sense that a storm is coming and you should pre-empt it</p>
<p>This is why sensitives can feel exhausted even when “nothing happened.”<br />
Because something did happen internally: the nervous system stayed on patrol.</p>
<h2>The self-soothing trap</h2>
<p>Here’s another place the Silent Assassin hides:</p>
<p>Self-soothing.</p>
<p>When you’re overwhelmed, tired, or emotionally worn thin, the body looks for relief. Food, scrolling, shutting down, avoiding the hard task, skipping movement—whatever brings comfort quickly.</p>
<p>But if “doing something for yourself” used to come with punishment, then your soothing becomes a trap:</p>
<p>you soothe</p>
<p>you feel relief</p>
<p>then the judge arrives with the invoice</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t.”<br />
“You always do this.”<br />
“Now look what you’ve done.”</p>
<p>So even comfort becomes contaminated.</p>
<p>And the pain isn’t only the calories, or the lack of exercise, or the procrastination.<br />
The deeper pain is this: you don’t feel allowed to be human without being sentenced.</p>
<h2>The Good Samaritan problem</h2>
<p>There’s a bigger story underneath all of this—one we see everywhere.</p>
<p>Someone gets hurt on a dangerous road, and instead of asking:</p>
<p>“Why is the road dangerous?”</p>
<p>we ask:</p>
<p>“Why were you there?”<br />
“Why didn’t you do XYZ?”<br />
“Why didn’t you prevent it?”</p>
<p>This is where victim-blame lives.<br />
It’s where women are told to manage their safety as an endless checklist—and still not be safe.</p>
<p>It’s where poverty is explained as personal failure instead of structural design.</p>
<p>It’s where the injured person becomes responsible not only for healing… but for proving they deserve compassion.</p>
<p>And that story doesn’t only exist in society.<br />
Sensitives often run it inside themselves.</p>
<p>If I get hurt, I must have caused it.<br />
If I’m alone, I must deserve it.<br />
If I’m struggling, I must be failing.</p>
<p>But alone is not the same as at fault.<br />
And suffering does not equal guilt.</p>
<p>A gentle beginning: catch it, name it, return</p>
<p>This isn’t the post where I tell you to “fix yourself.”<br />
It’s the post where I invite you to stop sentencing yourself.</p>
<h2>Try this one small practice:</h2>
<p>Catch it: notice the moment you’re making yourself wrong</p>
<p>Name it: “Ah. The Silent Assassin.”</p>
<p>Return: back to the body, back to the breath, back to now</p>
<p>That’s enough.</p>
<p>You don’t have to wrestle it.<br />
You don’t have to win an argument inside your own mind.</p>
<p>Just notice the program running… and come back to you.</p>
<p>A new inner vow</p>
<p>If you want a single sentence to carry for a while, let it be this:</p>
<p>“I release the belief that I must manage other people’s reality to be safe.”</p>
<p>Not as rebellion.<br />
As repair.</p>
<p>Because the end goal isn’t to become harder.<br />
It’s to become more home.</p>
<p>And if this lands in your bones, you’re not alone. There are many of us undoing this old contract—quietly, steadily, one moment at a time.</p>
<p data-start="4179" data-end="4258">Maybe the real gift… isn’t fixing yourself.<br data-start="4222" data-end="4225" />It’s ending the inner sentencing.</p>
<p data-start="4260" data-end="4308">And here’s the boundary I’m learning to live by:</p>
<p data-start="4310" data-end="4372"><strong data-start="4310" data-end="4372">If it doesn’t also serve me, it doesn’t get my life-force.</strong></p>
<p data-start="4374" data-end="4647">Inside my <strong data-start="4384" data-end="4402">QSU Membership</strong>, I’m teaching the deeper layers of this—how the “silent assassin” forms, why sensitives become the peace-keepers of other people’s moods, and the small daily shifts that restore your inner authority (without drama, and without burning bridges).</p>
<p data-start="4649" data-end="4712">If you’re ready for that kind of support, you’ll find me there.</p>
<p data-start="4714" data-end="4849"><strong>If it’s for you, come in. If not, take what served you from this post and leave the rest.</strong><br data-start="4803" data-end="4806" /><strong>QSU details are here:<a href="https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au/energy-oasis-offer-hub" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Quantum Soul Upgrade Membership</a></strong></p>
<p><em><strong>With steadiness and wonder,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Shamarie Flavel | Field Explorer &amp; Mystic Interpreter of Living Patterns</strong></em></p>
<p><strong>Join me in exploring how energy, awareness, and daily life weave together to create a sanctuary of coherence and calm. </strong><strong><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f33f.png" alt="🌿" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></strong><br />
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram <strong>@ShamarieFlavelEnergy</strong>,<br />
listen to my podcast <em><a href="https://app.kajabi.com/podcasts/2148005145/feed,">Journeys Beyond with Shamarie</a></em> on Kajabi<br />
or on <u><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journeys-beyond-with-shamarie/id1837872947">Apple Podcasts</a></u></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-many-eyes-move-in-meeting-the-silent-assassin/">When the Many Eyes Move In: Meeting the Silent Assassin</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
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			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Beyond the Red Door: Feminism, BOB and the End of Objectification</title>
		<link>https://www.shamarie.com.au/beyond-the-red-door-feminism-bob-and-the-end-of-objectification/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Shamarie]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Dec 2025 23:00:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirtual Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Womens Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feminism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[objectification]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[womens liberation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[womenshealth]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.shamarie.com.au/?p=10932</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>The other night I went hunting for images. I was looking for red doors, secret gardens, beautiful bedrooms – visual metaphors for my upcoming BOB project. Soft, bohemian, a little...</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/beyond-the-red-door-feminism-bob-and-the-end-of-objectification/">Beyond the Red Door: Feminism, BOB and the End of Objectification</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p data-start="228" data-end="270">The other night I went hunting for images.</p>
<p data-start="272" data-end="465">I was looking for red doors, secret gardens, beautiful bedrooms – visual metaphors for my upcoming BOB project. Soft, bohemian, a little mysterious, very much about a woman’s private sanctuary.</p>
<p data-start="467" data-end="529">I typed in things like <em data-start="490" data-end="502">“red door”</em> and <em data-start="507" data-end="528">“beautiful bedroom”</em>.</p>
<p data-start="531" data-end="578">And what did the search engines decide I meant?</p>
<p data-start="580" data-end="636">Not doors.<br data-start="590" data-end="593" />Not gardens.<br data-start="605" data-end="608" />Not even bedrooms, at first.</p>
<p data-start="638" data-end="645">Bodies.</p>
<p data-start="647" data-end="743">Beautiful women’s bodies posed like doorways.<br data-start="692" data-end="695" />Lips, legs, lingerie.<br data-start="716" data-end="719" />Women arranged as décor.</p>
<p data-start="745" data-end="931">Because of course… in the eyes of the algorithm, “beautiful + behind closed doors” must mean a woman ready to be looked at, desired, consumed – not a woman who has simply chosen herself.</p>
<p data-start="933" data-end="1071">It was a very sharp reminder that for all our talk of empowerment and equal rights, the <strong data-start="1021" data-end="1046">objectification model</strong> is still alive and well.</p>
<p data-start="1073" data-end="1208">We’ve had several waves of feminism.<br data-start="1109" data-end="1112" />We can vote.<br data-start="1124" data-end="1127" />We can own property.<br data-start="1147" data-end="1150" />We can work, divorce, open bank accounts, say no on paper.</p>
<p data-start="1210" data-end="1295">And yet, in the collective field, the default image attached to “beautiful” is still:</p>
<blockquote data-start="1297" data-end="1348">
<p data-start="1299" data-end="1348">A woman’s body, arranged for someone else’s gaze.</p>
</blockquote>
<p data-start="1350" data-end="1386">No wonder BOB is stirring things up.</p>
<hr data-start="1388" data-end="1391" />
<h2 data-start="1393" data-end="1445">A very short, very imperfect history of feminism</h2>
<p data-start="1447" data-end="1615">I’m not going to give you a full academic tour – there are brilliant people who do that far better than I can. But for the sake of context, here’s a very simple sketch.</p>
<ul data-start="1617" data-end="2103">
<li data-start="1617" data-end="1770">
<p data-start="1619" data-end="1770"><strong data-start="1619" data-end="1642">First wave feminism</strong> fought for legal personhood.<br data-start="1671" data-end="1674" />The right to vote, to own property, to exist in law as something other than a man’s extension.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="1772" data-end="1921">
<p data-start="1774" data-end="1921"><strong data-start="1774" data-end="1789">Second wave</strong> pushed into work, education, marriage, reproductive rights.<br data-start="1849" data-end="1852" />“The personal is political” began to crack open the private sphere.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="1923" data-end="2103">
<p data-start="1925" data-end="2103"><strong data-start="1925" data-end="1951">Third and fourth waves</strong> brought in intersectionality, diversity, #MeToo, body positivity, queer and trans rights, calling out the deeper layers of patriarchy, racism and harm.</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="2105" data-end="2236">Each wave has given us something essential.<br data-start="2148" data-end="2151" />I would not be doing my work, and you would not be reading this, without those women.</p>
<p data-start="2238" data-end="2246">And yet.</p>
<p data-start="2248" data-end="2384">So much of the outer work has been about gaining access to <strong data-start="2307" data-end="2330">existing structures</strong>:<br data-start="2331" data-end="2334" />parliament, the workplace, the boardroom, the law.</p>
<p data-start="2386" data-end="2503">We were invited (sometimes grudgingly, sometimes proudly) to step into <strong data-start="2457" data-end="2502">male-designed models of power and success</strong>:</p>
<ul data-start="2505" data-end="2593">
<li data-start="2505" data-end="2525">
<p data-start="2507" data-end="2525">Work like a man.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2526" data-end="2546">
<p data-start="2528" data-end="2546">Lead like a man.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2547" data-end="2569">
<p data-start="2549" data-end="2569">Desire like a man.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2570" data-end="2593">
<p data-start="2572" data-end="2593">Compete like a man.</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="2595" data-end="2715">Even our cultural picture of a “strong, independent woman” has often looked suspiciously like… a man in different shoes.</p>
<p data-start="2717" data-end="2861">Meanwhile, the <strong data-start="2732" data-end="2757">objectification model</strong> trundled on in the background:<br />
the idea that a woman’s value is primarily in how she appears to others.</p>
<p data-start="2863" data-end="2952">Which brings us back to BOB, and why he keeps smirking at me from the corner of the room.</p>
<hr data-start="2954" data-end="2957" />
<h2 data-start="2959" data-end="3005">BOB and the “final frontier” of liberation</h2>
<p data-start="3007" data-end="3151">If you haven’t met BOB yet, he’s the discreet device–turned–book muse who has wandered into my work as both a joke and a very serious archetype.</p>
<p data-start="3153" data-end="3325">On one level, he’s comic relief:<br data-start="3185" data-end="3188" />a way to talk about women’s desire, ageing, sovereignty and pleasure without disappearing in a cloud of euphemisms and clinical language.</p>
<p data-start="3327" data-end="3420">On another level, he’s a marker of what I think might be <strong data-start="3384" data-end="3419">the unfinished work of feminism</strong>:</p>
<p data-start="3422" data-end="3522">Women stepping outside the objectification model<br data-start="3470" data-end="3473" />and into <strong data-start="3482" data-end="3522">self-originated, self-sourced power.</strong></p>
<p data-start="3524" data-end="3570">The right to choose our own relationship with:</p>
<ul data-start="3572" data-end="3715">
<li data-start="3572" data-end="3586">
<p data-start="3574" data-end="3586">Our bodies</p>
</li>
<li data-start="3587" data-end="3637">
<p data-start="3589" data-end="3637">Our sexuality (including <em data-start="3614" data-end="3619">not</em> feeling sexual)</p>
</li>
<li data-start="3638" data-end="3671">
<p data-start="3640" data-end="3671">Our desire, libido and cycles</p>
</li>
<li data-start="3672" data-end="3715">
<p data-start="3674" data-end="3715">Our softness, our anger, our tenderness</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="3717" data-end="3810">…without measuring any of it against what is “marketable,” “palatable,” or “Instagram-ready”.</p>
<p data-start="3812" data-end="3900">When BOB “speaks” in my work, he has a particular tone: part mischief, part truth serum.</p>
<p data-start="3902" data-end="3958">One of the lines he offered for an interview script was:</p>
<blockquote data-start="3960" data-end="4042">
<p data-start="3962" data-end="4042">“If women’s liberation never makes it as far as the bedroom, it isn’t finished.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p data-start="4044" data-end="4073">And that, to me, is the crux.</p>
<p data-start="4075" data-end="4159">For all our strides in public life, many of us are still living in bodies that feel:</p>
<ul data-start="4161" data-end="4236">
<li data-start="4161" data-end="4174">
<p data-start="4163" data-end="4174">Inspected</p>
</li>
<li data-start="4175" data-end="4185">
<p data-start="4177" data-end="4185">Graded</p>
</li>
<li data-start="4186" data-end="4198">
<p data-start="4188" data-end="4198">Compared</p>
</li>
<li data-start="4199" data-end="4236">
<p data-start="4201" data-end="4236">And, ultimately, <strong data-start="4218" data-end="4236">not quite ours</strong></p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="4238" data-end="4436">We still apologise for taking up space.<br data-start="4277" data-end="4280" />We still contort ourselves to be attractive, agreeable, acceptable.<br data-start="4347" data-end="4350" />We still internalise the gaze that says, <em data-start="4391" data-end="4436">“You are okay as long as you are pleasing.”</em></p>
<p data-start="4438" data-end="4504">BOB, in his cheeky way, is a symbol of stepping out of that frame.</p>
<p data-start="4506" data-end="4596">He is not about replacing men.<br data-start="4536" data-end="4539" />He is not about giving up on relationship or partnership.</p>
<p data-start="4598" data-end="4616">He’s about saying:</p>
<blockquote data-start="4618" data-end="4762">
<p data-start="4620" data-end="4762">“My body, my pleasure, my aliveness are not auditions for someone else’s approval.<br data-start="4702" data-end="4705" />They are mine. I am the subject here, not the object.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p data-start="4764" data-end="4871">That is a different kind of feminism.<br data-start="4801" data-end="4804" />Quieter on the streets, perhaps.<br data-start="4836" data-end="4839" />Very loud in the nervous system.</p>
<hr data-start="4873" data-end="4876" />
<h2 data-start="4878" data-end="4952">The “strong independent woman” we were sold vs the one we actually are</h2>
<p data-start="4954" data-end="5040">When I was younger, the image of a “strong, independent woman” often came packaged as:</p>
<ul data-start="5042" data-end="5210">
<li data-start="5042" data-end="5056">
<p data-start="5044" data-end="5056">Unbothered</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5057" data-end="5076">
<p data-start="5059" data-end="5076">Hyper-competent</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5077" data-end="5102">
<p data-start="5079" data-end="5102">Emotionally contained</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5103" data-end="5135">
<p data-start="5105" data-end="5135">Sexual, but not <em data-start="5121" data-end="5126">too</em> sexual</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5136" data-end="5210">
<p data-start="5138" data-end="5210">Successful in the workplace, holding everything together, needing no one</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="5212" data-end="5325">In other words: a woman who had learned to play the game like a well-behaved man,<br data-start="5293" data-end="5296" />while still being decorative.</p>
<p data-start="5327" data-end="5411">It was an upgrade from “silent, obedient housewife,”<br data-start="5379" data-end="5382" />but it still wasn’t <strong data-start="5402" data-end="5410">ours</strong>.</p>
<p data-start="5413" data-end="5492">The model was:<br data-start="5427" data-end="5430" />step into his world, learn his rules, and be impressive there.</p>
<p data-start="5494" data-end="5573">What I see emerging now – especially in midlife women – is something different.</p>
<p data-start="5575" data-end="5607">A strong, independent woman who:</p>
<ul data-start="5609" data-end="5981">
<li data-start="5609" data-end="5648">
<p data-start="5611" data-end="5648">Can feel deeply and still function.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5649" data-end="5707">
<p data-start="5651" data-end="5707">Can say “no” without cushioning it with six apologies.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5708" data-end="5805">
<p data-start="5710" data-end="5805">Can say “yes” to pleasure, rest, softness, or wildness without needing it to be “productive”.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5806" data-end="5860">
<p data-start="5808" data-end="5860">Can be in relationship <strong data-start="5831" data-end="5842">without</strong> losing herself.</p>
</li>
<li data-start="5861" data-end="5981">
<p data-start="5863" data-end="5981">Can choose partnership, solitude, BOB, or all of the above at different seasons – from sovereignty, not from scarcity.</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="5983" data-end="6140">She’s not trying to become “like a man.”<br data-start="6023" data-end="6026" />She’s not trying to be the “cool girl” version of feminism – the one who is never upset, never needy, never messy.</p>
<p data-start="6142" data-end="6190">She’s experimenting with something more radical:</p>
<blockquote data-start="6192" data-end="6280">
<p data-start="6194" data-end="6280">“What if I let myself be fully human in a woman’s body… and built my life from there?”</p>
</blockquote>
<p data-start="6282" data-end="6361">That includes her mind, her field, her nervous system, and yes – her sexuality.</p>
<p data-start="6363" data-end="6469">Not sexuality as performance.<br data-start="6392" data-end="6395" />Not sexuality as currency.<br data-start="6421" data-end="6424" />But sexuality as one thread in her aliveness.</p>
<hr data-start="6471" data-end="6474" />
<h3 data-start="6476" data-end="6522">Beyond the red door: from object to origin</h3>
<p data-start="6524" data-end="6591">So what does all this have to do with red doors and image searches?</p>
<p data-start="6593" data-end="6666">For me, that little late-night encounter with the algorithm summed it up.</p>
<p data-start="6668" data-end="6764">I typed in “red door” and “beautiful” to find a metaphor for a woman’s private, inner sanctuary.</p>
<p data-start="6766" data-end="6847">The internet tried to hand me back a catalogue of women’s bodies to be looked at.</p>
<p data-start="6849" data-end="6915">It revealed, in a very literal way, the <strong data-start="6889" data-end="6896">gap</strong> we’re standing in:</p>
<ul data-start="6917" data-end="7028">
<li data-start="6917" data-end="6957">
<p data-start="6919" data-end="6957">We have the language of empowerment,</p>
</li>
<li data-start="6958" data-end="7028">
<p data-start="6960" data-end="7028">But the imagery – the reflexive template – is still objectification.</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="7030" data-end="7100">Part of BOB’s project, as I feel it, is to quietly reverse that arrow.</p>
<p data-start="7102" data-end="7143">To move us from <strong data-start="7118" data-end="7128">object</strong> to <strong data-start="7132" data-end="7142">origin</strong>.</p>
<p data-start="7145" data-end="7150">From:</p>
<p data-start="7145" data-end="7150">“I am here to be seen, chosen and approved of,”</p>
<p data-start="7205" data-end="7208">to:</p>
<p data-start="7205" data-end="7208">“I am the origin point of my choices, my pleasure, my boundaries, my life.”</p>
<p data-start="7289" data-end="7403">The red door is no longer the threshold into someone else’s fantasy.<br data-start="7357" data-end="7360" />It’s the entrance to her own secret garden.</p>
<p data-start="7405" data-end="7643">Sometimes that garden includes sex.<br data-start="7440" data-end="7443" />Sometimes it includes long dry seasons, grief, rage, healing, re-learning her body from the inside out.<br data-start="7546" data-end="7549" />Sometimes it includes a discreet device on the top shelf and no interest in dating whatsoever.</p>
<p data-start="7645" data-end="7674">All of that can be sovereign.</p>
<p data-start="7676" data-end="7718">What matters is <strong data-start="7692" data-end="7699">who</strong> the story centres.</p>
<hr data-start="7720" data-end="7723" />
<h2 data-start="7725" data-end="7748">A gentle invitation</h2>
<p data-start="7750" data-end="7968">I’m not asking you to throw away your lipstick, your pretty dresses, your love of being seen.<br data-start="7843" data-end="7846" />Objectification isn’t about loving beauty; it’s about being trapped inside someone else’s idea of what that beauty is for.</p>
<p data-start="7970" data-end="8018">So here’s a gentle question you might play with:</p>
<blockquote data-start="8020" data-end="8071">
<p data-start="8022" data-end="8071">“In this moment, am I the object… or the origin?”</p>
</blockquote>
<p data-start="8073" data-end="8210">When you get dressed.<br data-start="8094" data-end="8097" />When you post a photo.<br data-start="8119" data-end="8122" />When you say yes.<br data-start="8139" data-end="8142" />When you say no.<br data-start="8158" data-end="8161" />When you reach for pleasure, or turn toward rest.</p>
<p data-start="8212" data-end="8298">You don’t have to get it “right”.<br data-start="8245" data-end="8248" />You don’t have to burn your old scripts overnight.</p>
<p data-start="8300" data-end="8458">Just begin to notice where you’re still standing at the door of your own life, waiting to be invited in.<br data-start="8404" data-end="8407" />And where, quietly, you’re already holding the key.</p>
<p data-start="8460" data-end="8680">BOB is one playful, irreverent way I’m choosing to explore this.<br data-start="8524" data-end="8527" />He gives us permission to laugh, to roll our eyes at the absurdity of the old scripts, and to talk about things women were “never meant” to say out loud.</p>
<p data-start="8682" data-end="8729">But the real liberation isn’t about BOB at all.</p>
<p data-start="8731" data-end="8746">It’s about you.</p>
<p data-start="8748" data-end="8934">Your body.<br data-start="8758" data-end="8761" />Your story.<br data-start="8772" data-end="8775" />Your particular, unrepeatable way of being a strong, independent woman –<br data-start="8847" data-end="8850" />not by becoming like a man,<br data-start="8877" data-end="8880" />but by becoming more fully, unapologetically yourself.</p>
<p data-start="8936" data-end="9041">Beyond the red door, the secret garden is waiting.<br data-start="8986" data-end="8989" />And it doesn’t exist for anyone’s gaze but your own.</p>
<p><em><strong>With steadiness and wonder,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Shamarie Flavel | Field Explorer &amp; Mystic Interpreter of Living Patterns</strong></em></p>
<p><strong>Join me in exploring how energy, awareness, and daily life weave together to create a sanctuary of coherence and calm. </strong><strong><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f33f.png" alt="🌿" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></strong><br />
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram <strong>@ShamarieFlavelEnergy</strong>,<br />
listen to my podcast <em><a href="https://app.kajabi.com/podcasts/2148005145/feed,">Journeys Beyond with Shamarie</a></em> on Kajabi<br />
or on <u><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journeys-beyond-with-shamarie/id1837872947">Apple Podcasts</a></u><br />
join our private Facebook community <strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/evolvecourses">Evolve Courses Group</a></strong> to share and grow together, or explore my courses and offerings at <a href="https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au">evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au</a>.</p>
<p>and you can grab you copy of The Discreet Device AKA BOB here https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au/offers/FS8u6dXh/checkout</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p data-start="8936" data-end="9041">
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/beyond-the-red-door-feminism-bob-and-the-end-of-objectification/">Beyond the Red Door: Feminism, BOB and the End of Objectification</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
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		<title>Why I’m Letting Humour Lead (And What That Says About Women’s Voices)</title>
		<link>https://www.shamarie.com.au/why-im-letting-humour-lead/</link>
					<comments>https://www.shamarie.com.au/why-im-letting-humour-lead/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Shamarie]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Dec 2025 23:45:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spirtual Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Womens Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feminism in real life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[objectification]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[womens humour]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[womenshealth]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.shamarie.com.au/?p=11116</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>The other day I went to ask Facebook a question. I typed in the word “men”, and one of the pages that popped up was “men’s humour.” Of course it...</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/why-im-letting-humour-lead/">Why I’m Letting Humour Lead (And What That Says About Women’s Voices)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The other day I went to ask Facebook a question.</p>
<p>I typed in the word <strong>“men”</strong>, and one of the pages that popped up was <strong>“men’s humour.”</strong></p>
<p>Of course it did.<br />
Men and humour. A familiar pairing.</p>
<p>So I got curious.</p>
<p>I tried the same for women.</p>
<p>“Women.”<br />
“Female.”<br />
“Women’s humour.”</p>
<p>Nothing equivalent appeared.</p>
<p>Apparently <em>men’s humour</em> is a recognised thing.<br />
<em>Women’s humour</em>… not so much.</p>
<p>Now, I’m not pretending my little search is a peer-reviewed study on gender and comedy. But it did make me smile the kind of slightly feral smile BOB would approve of.</p>
<p>Because here I am, about to launch a book that is:</p>
<ul>
<li>written by a woman,</li>
<li>about women’s bodies and pleasure,</li>
<li>with a distinctly irreverent, wry, “are-we-really-still-doing-this?” tone…</li>
</ul>
<p>…and one of my quiet worries has been:</p>
<p>“Is it okay to be this funny about serious things?”<br />
“Will people think I’m not taking it seriously enough?”<br />
“Is it allowed for a woman talking about her body to be hilarious <em>and</em> deep?”</p>
<p>When I was working more strictly in the healing / therapeutic world, the default voice was:</p>
<ul>
<li>calm,</li>
<li>serious,</li>
<li>carefully worded,</li>
<li>very “appropriate”.</li>
</ul>
<p>Important work.<br />
Sacred work.</p>
<p>But not always much room for the kind of wicked, sideways humour that women actually use with each other when we’re off the record.</p>
<p>BOB changed that.</p>
<h2><strong>Why humour, and why now?</strong></h2>
<p>BOB — my <em>Battery Operated Boyfriend</em> turned book — landed in my life as a joke first.</p>
<p>He wasn’t a marketing strategy.<br />
He wasn’t a “positioning decision.”<br />
He was that private, slightly naughty grin you share with a friend when you both know exactly what you’re talking about… without saying it outright.</p>
<p>And then I realised:</p>
<p>This is how women survive the unbearable.</p>
<p>We laugh.<br />
We roll our eyes.<br />
We tell stories that are both devastating and ridiculous.</p>
<p>We make jokes about mansplaining and pelvic floors and being “too much” and “not enough” – because if we don’t laugh, something in us turns to stone.</p>
<p>Humour, used well, <strong>doesn’t trivialise the pain</strong>.<br />
It gives us a way to look at it without being swallowed whole.</p>
<p>That’s why I’ve deliberately let humour lead with BOB.</p>
<p>Not because women’s experiences are funny.<br />
But because the contortions we’ve been asked to live inside <em>are</em>.</p>
<p>The double standards.<br />
The objectification.<br />
The purity rules.<br />
The silent expectations about how “good girls” should behave.</p>
<p>Sometimes the only sane response is a beautifully timed, well-aimed joke.</p>
<h2><strong>Men’s humour vs women’s humour</strong></h2>
<p>So when Facebook was happy to show me “men’s humour” pages, but not “women’s humour”, something clicked.</p>
<p>We are used to men being the ones telling the jokes.<br />
Men as the comedians, the satirists, the late-night hosts.</p>
<p>Women, on the other hand, are often:</p>
<ul>
<li>the butt of the joke,</li>
<li>the pretty decoration on stage, or</li>
<li>the one sitting in the audience, laughing along… even when it stings.</li>
</ul>
<p>We haven’t had nearly as much cultural space for <strong>women’s own humour about our bodies, our desire, our fury, our absurd situations</strong> – especially past a certain age.</p>
<p>Midlife women with opinions and a punchline?<br />
That’s still unfamiliar territory for many people.</p>
<p>Which is probably why BOB feels like a bit of a divergence for me.</p>
<p>I’m still talking about coherence, sovereignty, healing and the Field.<br />
I’m just doing it with:</p>
<ul>
<li>more smirks,</li>
<li>more eye-rolls,</li>
<li>more “Did we really just go there?” moments.</li>
</ul>
<h2><strong>Why I’m choosing humour as a woman in midlife</strong></h2>
<p>I could have written BOB as a sober book about female sexuality, gender, trauma and body politics.</p>
<p>It might even have been easier in some ways. There’s a template for that.</p>
<p>But my body and my history wouldn’t let me.</p>
<p>I’ve lived too much life.<br />
I’ve heard too many stories.<br />
I’ve sat with too many women whose deepest truths came out <strong>only when they were allowed to laugh as well as cry</strong>.</p>
<p>Humour, for me, is part of reclaiming subjecthood.</p>
<p>It says:</p>
<p>“I am not just an object to be gazed at, diagnosed, or spoken about.<br />
I get to narrate my own experience.<br />
And sometimes, that narration is going to be very, very funny.”</p>
<p>Humour lets us slip past defences.<br />
It lets us name the thing without becoming the thing.<br />
It gives us a pressure valve so the truth can land without blowing the room apart.</p>
<p>That’s not frivolous.<br />
That’s skilful.</p>
<h2><strong>Who I wrote BOB for</strong></h2>
<p>I didn’t write BOB for shock value.<br />
I didn’t write it as a how-to manual.</p>
<p>I wrote BOB for the woman who:</p>
<ul>
<li>did everything “right” and still feels like something essential went missing,</li>
<li>has a rich inner world but edits herself in public,</li>
<li>is tired of being the object of other people’s gaze and is ready to become the origin of her own choices,</li>
<li>laughs a lot… often so she doesn’t cry.</li>
</ul>
<p>BOB is the friend who sits next to you on the couch and says,</p>
<p>“You’re not crazy.<br />
It really <em>is</em> that absurd.<br />
And no, it’s not too late to reclaim yourself.”</p>
<p>Humour is simply the language he speaks.</p>
<h2><strong>An invitation</strong></h2>
<p>So if you notice me being a little more mischievous than usual… that’s deliberate.</p>
<p>It’s my way of saying:</p>
<ul>
<li>We can talk about women’s bodies, pleasure and power without whispering.</li>
<li>We can be serious about the impact while still laughing at the absurdity.</li>
<li>Women’s humour is not a side category. It’s a vital part of how we heal, connect and refuse to shrink.</li>
</ul>
<p>And if a book called <strong>BOB</strong> is what it takes to open that conversation in a way that feels honest and safe enough to enter… I’m absolutely here for that.</p>
<p>If this stirs something in you, you might enjoy meeting BOB properly.</p>
<p>He’s cheeky, loyal, and very much on our side.</p>
<p><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f449.png" alt="👉" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /> <strong>BOB – A Not-So-Serious Book About Seriously Important Things</strong> launches on 12 December. Everyone who purchases before 31 December will be invited to my live <strong>“Beyond the Red Door” Reader Circle</strong> in January – a women-centred Zoom gathering to talk honestly (and with humour) about bodies, pleasure and power in midlife.</p>
<p>Apparently “women’s humour” doesn’t have its own category yet.<br />
I’m very happy for us to start making one.</p>
<p><em><strong>With steadiness and wonder,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Shamarie Flavel | Field Explorer &amp; Mystic Interpreter of Living Patterns</strong></em></p>
<p><strong>Join me in exploring how energy, awareness, and daily life weave together to create a sanctuary of coherence and calm. </strong><strong><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f33f.png" alt="🌿" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></strong><br />
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram <strong>@ShamarieFlavelEnergy</strong>,<br />
listen to my podcast <em><a href="https://app.kajabi.com/podcasts/2148005145/feed,">Journeys Beyond with Shamarie</a></em> on Kajabi<br />
or on <u><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journeys-beyond-with-shamarie/id1837872947">Apple Podcasts</a></u><br />
join our private Facebook community <strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/evolvecourses">Evolve Courses Group</a></strong> to share and grow together, or explore my courses and offerings at <a href="https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au">evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au</a>.</p>
<p><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f449.png" alt="👉" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /> Be the first to know when BOB lands in the world (and get launch-only bonuses) – <strong data-start="326" data-end="364">add your name to the BOB waitlist. <a href="https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au/signup">https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au/signup</a></strong></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/why-im-letting-humour-lead/">Why I’m Letting Humour Lead (And What That Says About Women’s Voices)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
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		<title>When the Womb Was the Problem</title>
		<link>https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-womb-was-the-problem/</link>
					<comments>https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-womb-was-the-problem/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Shamarie]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Dec 2025 09:00:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[QSP & SSS Field Working]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Womens Health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[embodiedhealing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[medicalgaslighting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[womenshealth]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://www.shamarie.com.au/?p=10924</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Once upon a time, your uterus could get you locked away. Not because it was diseased.Not because you were dying.But because the very fact of having one was considered dangerous....</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-womb-was-the-problem/">When the Womb Was the Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<div class="markdown prose dark:prose-invert w-full break-words light markdown-new-styling">
<p data-start="184" data-end="240">Once upon a time, your uterus could get you locked away.</p>
<p data-start="242" data-end="368">Not because it was diseased.<br data-start="270" data-end="273" />Not because you were dying.<br data-start="300" data-end="303" />But because the very fact of having one was considered dangerous.</p>
<p data-start="370" data-end="451">Too much emotion?<br data-start="387" data-end="390" />Too much desire?<br data-start="406" data-end="409" />Too much opinion, grief, anger, aliveness?</p>
<p data-start="453" data-end="509">Clearly: hysteria.<br data-start="471" data-end="474" />And clearly: the womb was to blame.</p>
<p data-start="511" data-end="657">Welcome to the strange, revealing history of how women’s bodies have been medicalised — and how that story still shapes us more than we realise.</p>
<hr data-start="659" data-end="662" />
<h3 data-start="664" data-end="684"><strong data-start="664" data-end="684">Language note <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f33f.png" alt="🌿" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></strong></h3>
<p data-start="686" data-end="1049">In this article I use words like “women,” “female body,” and “womb” because I’m speaking mostly from and to the experience of midlife women who were raised and treated as female in medical systems. I also honour that not everyone with a womb identifies as a woman, and not all women have a womb. Please read in the way that best fits your own body and identity.</p>
<hr data-start="1051" data-end="1054" />
<h2 data-start="1056" data-end="1115"><strong data-start="1056" data-end="1115">Hysteria: When a Woman’s Whole Being Became a Diagnosis</strong></h2>
<p data-start="1117" data-end="1197">For centuries, “hysteria” was one of the most common diagnoses applied to women.</p>
<p data-start="1199" data-end="1253">The word comes from the Greek <em data-start="1229" data-end="1238">hystera</em>, meaning womb.</p>
<p data-start="1255" data-end="1474">The basic idea went like this: if a woman was too sad, too angry, too sexual, too creative, too outspoken, too sensitive, or too ill in ways that medicine couldn’t explain, it must be because her uterus was misbehaving.</p>
<p data-start="1476" data-end="1631">The womb, they said, was wandering around her body. It was climbing up to her chest, squeezing her heart, making her irrational, unstable, emotional, wild.</p>
<p data-start="1633" data-end="1786">If a man was furious, visionary, ambitious or haunted, he might be called driven.<br data-start="1714" data-end="1717" />If a woman was any of those things, she could be labelled hysterical.</p>
<p data-start="1788" data-end="1850">And once a word becomes a label, it can be used as a weapon.</p>
<hr data-start="1852" data-end="1855" />
<h2 data-start="1857" data-end="1900"><strong data-start="1857" data-end="1900">When the “Cure” Was Removing the Uterus</strong></h2>
<p data-start="1902" data-end="1987">If the womb was the problem, then of course the “solution” seemed obvious: remove it.</p>
<p data-start="1989" data-end="2177">In the 19th and early 20th centuries, hysterectomy was sometimes promoted as a way to “cure” hysteria, nervous disorders, “unmanageable” behaviour and other forms of female non-compliance.</p>
<p data-start="2179" data-end="2203">The subtext was clear:</p>
<p data-start="2205" data-end="2376">If your grief is too big, your body is wrong.<br data-start="2250" data-end="2253" />If your anger is too loud, your body is wrong.<br data-start="2299" data-end="2302" />If you refuse to stay within the role assigned to you, your body is wrong.</p>
<p data-start="2378" data-end="2410">Cut it out. Tame it. Silence it.</p>
<p data-start="2412" data-end="2568">A woman’s deepest centre of creation — the place that can grow life, or simply hold the possibility of it — was treated as a source of pathology, not power.</p>
<p data-start="2570" data-end="2819">Even when hysterectomy is absolutely medically necessary (and it sometimes is), it’s important to recognise the cultural history sitting in the background: a long story of viewing the female body as unreliable, unstable and inherently problematic.</p>
<hr data-start="2821" data-end="2824" />
<h2 data-start="2826" data-end="2878"><strong data-start="2826" data-end="2878">Designed Around the Male Body: The Default Human</strong></h2>
<p data-start="2880" data-end="2952">Most modern medical models were not created for, or with, women in mind.</p>
<p data-start="2954" data-end="3116">For a long time, research was done primarily on male bodies. Medications were tested on male physiology. “Standard” symptoms were described from male experiences.</p>
<p data-start="3118" data-end="3243">Women were considered too “variable” — with their hormones, cycles and inconvenient wombs — to be reliable research subjects.</p>
<p data-start="3245" data-end="3328">So the male body quietly became the default human. Everything else was a deviation.</p>
<p data-start="3330" data-end="3537">The problem is that women’s immune systems, hormonal patterns and responses are different. Our heart attack symptoms can look different. Our reactions to medications, dosages and procedures can be different.</p>
<p data-start="3539" data-end="3688">But when the template is male, anything that doesn’t match that template is seen as overreaction, mystery, “atypical presentation” or… psychological.</p>
<p data-start="3690" data-end="3707">In other words:</p>
<p data-start="3709" data-end="3771">“We don’t understand your body, so the problem must be you.”</p>
<hr data-start="3773" data-end="3776" />
<h2 data-start="3778" data-end="3825"><strong data-start="3778" data-end="3825">Too Close to Nature: The “Unreliable” Woman</strong></h2>
<p data-start="3827" data-end="3888">Layered on top of this is a long-standing philosophical bias:</p>
<p data-start="3890" data-end="4015">Men are associated with mind, logic, culture and rationality.<br data-start="3951" data-end="3954" />Women are associated with body, nature, emotion and instinct.</p>
<p data-start="4017" data-end="4274">In this story, being “close to nature” is not a gift; it’s a liability.<br data-start="4088" data-end="4091" />Being cyclical, responsive and sensitive is not wisdom; it’s weakness.<br data-start="4161" data-end="4164" />Being driven by intuition or feeling is not another form of intelligence; it’s proof you’re not to be trusted.</p>
<p data-start="4276" data-end="4482">Women were seen as too leaky (bleeding, lactating, crying, feeling), too porous (influenced by the moon, tides, seasons, children, lovers), too changeable (monthly cycles, pregnancy, postpartum, menopause).</p>
<p data-start="4484" data-end="4632">So of course, they said, you couldn’t expect a woman to be stable, rational, dependable in the same way as a man. She was too entangled with nature.</p>
<p data-start="4634" data-end="4771">And because nature itself was something to control, conquer and tame, women became something to manage, contain and, if necessary, cut.</p>
<hr data-start="4773" data-end="4776" />
<h2 data-start="4778" data-end="4834"><strong data-start="4778" data-end="4834">The Original “BOB”: When Doctors Prescribed Pleasure</strong></h2>
<p data-start="4836" data-end="4869">Here’s where it gets very ironic.</p>
<p data-start="4871" data-end="5048">The same system that labelled women hysterical, untrustworthy and over-emotional also developed one of the earliest versions of what we would now recognise as a discreet device.</p>
<p data-start="5050" data-end="5062">Yes, really.</p>
<p data-start="5064" data-end="5241">Physicians once used manual “treatments” for hysteria — and later, invented mechanical devices — to bring women to “hysterical paroxysm” (a carefully sanitised term for orgasm).</p>
<p data-start="5243" data-end="5420">The logic was: the womb is causing trouble, the woman is backed up with unexpressed “nervous energy.” Release the tension, and she’ll be calmer, more compliant, more manageable.</p>
<p data-start="5422" data-end="5471">On paper, this was framed as a medical procedure.</p>
<p data-start="5473" data-end="5519">In practice, it was a deeply revealing moment:</p>
<p data-start="5521" data-end="5824">Women’s pleasure was only acceptable if it served male-defined medicine.<br data-start="5593" data-end="5596" />The body’s natural capacity for erotic release was pathologised and then prescribed back to the woman as treatment.<br data-start="5711" data-end="5714" />The female body was still not seen as sovereign, wise or self-directed — just another site for “intervention”.</p>
<p data-start="5826" data-end="5959">The early ancestor of BOB was not born from women’s liberation.<br data-start="5889" data-end="5892" />It was born from a system trying to control women more efficiently.</p>
<p data-start="5961" data-end="6017">And yet… even there, something subversive was happening.</p>
<p data-start="6019" data-end="6134">The body was speaking.<br data-start="6041" data-end="6044" />Women were feeling.<br data-start="6063" data-end="6066" />Relief was real, whether or not the story around it honoured them.</p>
<hr data-start="6136" data-end="6139" />
<h2 data-start="6141" data-end="6174"><strong data-start="6141" data-end="6174">“Wrong” Because It’s Not Male</strong></h2>
<p data-start="6176" data-end="6211">If you zoom out, a pattern emerges.</p>
<p data-start="6213" data-end="6340">Anything about women’s bodies that doesn’t behave like a male body is treated as defective, mysterious, excessive or imaginary.</p>
<p data-start="6342" data-end="6487">Men have a relatively stable hormone profile over 24 hours: normal.<br data-start="6409" data-end="6412" />Women have cyclical hormones over roughly 28 days: unpredictable, unstable.</p>
<p data-start="6489" data-end="6663">Men’s pain is concerning: investigate.<br data-start="6527" data-end="6530" />Women’s pain is concerning… until the scans are clear. Then it becomes anxiety, stress, attention-seeking or “part of being a woman.”</p>
<p data-start="6665" data-end="6830">A male sex drive is powerful: to be channelled and managed, but accepted.<br data-start="6738" data-end="6741" />A female sex drive is powerful: to be doubted, shamed, joked about, or seen as dangerous.</p>
<p data-start="6832" data-end="6862">We internalise these messages.</p>
<p data-start="6864" data-end="6875">We learn:</p>
<p data-start="6877" data-end="6996">My body is suspicious.<br data-start="6899" data-end="6902" />My emotions are untrustworthy.<br data-start="6932" data-end="6935" />My instincts are probably wrong.<br data-start="6967" data-end="6970" />My desire is embarrassing.</p>
<p data-start="6998" data-end="7013">And eventually:</p>
<p data-start="7015" data-end="7111">“I’d better let someone else tell me what’s going on inside me, because I can’t trust myself.”</p>
<hr data-start="7113" data-end="7116" />
<h2 data-start="7118" data-end="7169"><strong data-start="7118" data-end="7169">The Quiet Rebellion: Listening to Your Own Body</strong></h2>
<p data-start="7171" data-end="7196">Here’s the turning point.</p>
<p data-start="7198" data-end="7454">Every time a woman listens to her own body, trusts her own experience, questions a dismissive diagnosis, honours her cycle, her limits, her desire — or even buys herself her own discreet device without shame — she is quietly stepping out of this old story.</p>
<p data-start="7456" data-end="7470">She is saying:</p>
<p data-start="7472" data-end="7621">“I am not a malfunctioning version of a man.<br data-start="7516" data-end="7519" />I am not a problem to be managed.<br data-start="7552" data-end="7555" />I am a living, intelligent, responsive being with my own rhythms.”</p>
<p data-start="7623" data-end="7769">This doesn’t mean rejecting all medicine or science. It means refusing to abandon yourself inside systems that were not designed with you in mind.</p>
<p data-start="7771" data-end="7787">It means asking:</p>
<p data-start="7789" data-end="7972">What does my body say?<br data-start="7811" data-end="7814" />What does my nervous system need?<br data-start="7847" data-end="7850" />What does my womb, my gut, my heart know?<br data-start="7891" data-end="7894" />Where have I been told I’m “too much” when I was actually telling the truth?</p>
<hr data-start="7974" data-end="7977" />
<h2 data-start="7979" data-end="8034"><strong data-start="7979" data-end="8034">Why I’m Talking About This (And Not Just About BOB)</strong></h2>
<p data-start="8036" data-end="8058">You might be thinking:</p>
<p data-start="8060" data-end="8145">“Why are we talking about hysteria, wandering wombs and old medical devices in 2025?”</p>
<p data-start="8147" data-end="8191">Because the residues are still in the field.</p>
<p data-start="8193" data-end="8502">They show up when you apologise for being in pain.<br data-start="8243" data-end="8246" />They show up when you doubt your own intuition because a test came back “normal.”<br data-start="8327" data-end="8330" />They show up when you minimise your needs because you don’t want to be “dramatic.”<br data-start="8412" data-end="8415" />They show up when you feel shame about wanting pleasure, support, rest or spaciousness.</p>
<p data-start="8504" data-end="8624">The history of hysteria is not just a curiosity.<br data-start="8552" data-end="8555" />It’s part of the ancestral atmosphere many of us are still breathing.</p>
<p data-start="8626" data-end="8782">Talking about BOB, about pleasure, about “inappropriate” midlife desire, about the medicalisation of the female body — all of this is part of the same work:</p>
<p data-start="8784" data-end="8805">Taking yourself back.</p>
<p data-start="8807" data-end="8997">Back from stories written through the male body as default.<br data-start="8866" data-end="8869" />Back from diagnoses that erased your complexity.<br data-start="8917" data-end="8920" />Back from the idea that you are dangerous, unreliable, “too close to nature”.</p>
<p data-start="8999" data-end="9058">You are close to nature.<br data-start="9023" data-end="9026" />That is a feature, not a flaw.</p>
<hr data-start="9060" data-end="9063" />
<h2 data-start="9065" data-end="9094"><strong data-start="9065" data-end="9094">A New Story for Your Body</strong></h2>
<p data-start="9096" data-end="9124">So where does this leave us?</p>
<p data-start="9126" data-end="9261">Not in rejection of medicine.<br data-start="9155" data-end="9158" />Not in denial of real illness or the very real relief that surgery, medication and treatment can bring.</p>
<p data-start="9263" data-end="9311">But in a different stance towards your own body:</p>
<p data-start="9313" data-end="9410">Curiosity instead of contempt.<br data-start="9343" data-end="9346" />Collaboration instead of control.<br data-start="9379" data-end="9382" />Respect instead of ridicule.</p>
<p data-start="9412" data-end="9439">A stance where you can say:</p>
<p data-start="9441" data-end="9500">“Yes, I’ll take the best of what the medical world offers.”</p>
<p data-start="9502" data-end="9511">And also:</p>
<p data-start="9513" data-end="9603">“I will no longer abandon my own knowing to fit into a model that was never built for me.”</p>
<p data-start="9605" data-end="9731">Your womb is not a curse.<br data-start="9630" data-end="9633" />Your hormones are not a character flaw.<br data-start="9672" data-end="9675" />Your sensitivity is not a clinical problem to be erased.</p>
<p data-start="9733" data-end="9816">They are part of your design.<br data-start="9762" data-end="9765" />Part of your intelligence.<br data-start="9791" data-end="9794" />Part of your medicine.</p>
<p data-start="9818" data-end="9898">From here, healing looks less like being fixed… and more like being reclaimed.</p>
<hr data-start="9900" data-end="9903" />
<p data-start="9905" data-end="9920"><strong data-start="9905" data-end="9920">Gentle Note</strong></p>
<p data-start="9922" data-end="10003">Nothing in this blog is a replacement for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.</p>
<p data-start="10005" data-end="10171" data-is-last-node="" data-is-only-node="">Please continue to seek and receive the care you need from qualified medical and mental health professionals. The work I offer sits alongside that, not instead of it.</p>
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<p><em><strong>With steadiness and wonder,</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>Shamarie Flavel | Field Explorer &amp; Mystic Interpreter of Living Patterns</strong></em></p>
<p><strong>Join me in exploring how energy, awareness, and daily life weave together to create a sanctuary of coherence and calm. </strong><strong><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/1f33f.png" alt="🌿" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></strong><br />
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram <strong>@ShamarieFlavelEnergy</strong>,<br />
listen to my podcast <em><a href="https://app.kajabi.com/podcasts/2148005145/feed,">Journeys Beyond with Shamarie</a></em> on Kajabi<br />
or on <u><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journeys-beyond-with-shamarie/id1837872947">Apple Podcasts</a></u><br />
join our private Facebook community <strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/evolvecourses">Evolve Courses Group</a></strong> to share and grow together, or explore my courses and offerings at <a href="https://evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au">evolvecourses.shamarie.com.au</a>.</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au/when-the-womb-was-the-problem/">When the Womb Was the Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://www.shamarie.com.au">Shamarie Body and Mind Therapies</a>.</p>
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